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Lost blog / Personal

December 2017

Let’s walk through some pictures from the posts I lost in the blog crash (I’m sure I could have restored them somehow, with a lot of patience), this is fun though. I can tell you stories I couldn’t tell back then because I was way too sensitive, scared, angry, sad etc.

Johan and I had some (very) difficult years together. Love is crazy, I can’t believe we are still together. If this didn’t break us up, what will?

Fluffy. So glad about his long hair, it’s much longer than this now, and healthier since he stopped bleaching his hair in 2017.

We live very close to the techno club Berghain and had our best moment there so far when all of a sudden Donna Summer’s I feel love started playing on the dancefloor. The thing when you get to hear one of your favourite songs on the world’s greatest soundsystem (inbetween great monotonous techno music) – I lived on that moment for weeks.

This was at the time when I was taking pictures not getting paid close to enough, my self-respect was coming and going.

Christmas time was getting closer and I decided to go visit my family in Sweden, Johan stayed at home to get some time alone. I’m going to do this again very soon, family time for me and some breathing space for Johan after all that has happened.

Here I was still in Berlin, walking down to Kreuzberg. My sister used to make jokes when I called her Are you walking in Kreuzberg? Most of the time the answer was yes.

And so I went to Luleå, the town where I grew up. I guess this is from before or after I had lunch with my dad, it’s our tradition to have pizza and visit different second hand shops.

My nieces made the most beautiful gingerbread cookies.

THIS! My mum made soft gingerbread cake with whipped cream and dead lingonberries (don’t know what they are called, but they look like they’ve been dead in water for a while).

That pink house. This reminds me of New York, a little bit.

Then I went back home to Berlin and celebrated Christmas at our friends’; lots of food, lots of alcohol, a bit of memory loss. NYE at Primitiv Bar, brothel party, my hooker name was Hotti from Kotti. Then 2018 came, a year which looks quite adventurous in my pictures. It was indeed and at the same time I had the feeling of standing still, not knowing where to go, who to hang out with, ending up in wrong relationships as I do so often because of being naive and wanting to believe in the good in people. I’m not bitter about it, just very annoyed that I do it again and again.

2 Comments

  • Silvia de Vries
    February 8, 2020 at 4:16 pm

    “ It was indeed and at the same time I had the feeling of standing still, not knowing where to go, who to hang out with, ending up in wrong relationships as I do so often because of being naive and wanting to believe in the good in people. I’m not bitter about it, just very annoyed that I do it again and again.”

    This could be about me…I’ve felt and done the exact same. It sometimes makes me feel like I don’t know what’s really or not, not knowing if I can trust my own brain.

    Reply
    • Sandra Juto
      February 11, 2020 at 11:29 am

      All of these relationships have one thing in common for me; the women (always women) seem to suffer from HPD (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Histrionic_personality_disorder), I’m not saying they do, but their way of acting fits to the pattern of this personality disorder. It always ends with, like you describe, not knowing if you can trust your own brain cause they twist and turn everything into you thinking you’re the crazy/wrong/weird one.

      Reply

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