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Lost blog / Personal

January 2018

First of all, thanks so much for all the kindness, love, thoughtfulness, wisdom and time you put in the comments on yesterday’s post. Thank you for reading it and for respecting me & others with bipolar disease, for showing understanding and compassion. Let’s be able to talk about mental health openly without being afraid nor ashamed. Another disclaimer: I’m not able to help you if you’re suffering except for reading and sending you a loving reply, I have too much to deal with when it comes understanding, accepting and learing how to live with myself. Thanks for understanding and please, get professional help if you can.

So, let’s go back to January 2018. The beauty of the brutal Berlin winter, I really love January. Everyone is hiding at home after the crazy NYE, recovering, recharging. Friends are more likely to want to meet for a coffee in the daytime instead of binge drinking in the evenings. Love when it’s foggy, everything looks more beautiful, I think most of you agree.

Early one morning, I took the bus to Hamburg with a friend. Hamburg is lovely, should go there with Johan soon. Eat fresh fish, oysters! Stroll around, take pictures. The usual stuff.

We took the ferry and at this point I was crying, cause I had missed the sea and harbour so much. I grew up by the sea, Gothenburg was by the sea. One thing that crossed my mind the other week, is that I have always lived by a river. I still do, so fuck you sea, you’re not as important as The River.

We had so many cocktails that we missed the bus the morning after. Was OK, gave us more time to enjoy the amazing breakfast at the hotel.

2018 was the year when I took care of Peps a lot, one of the most amazing dogs I have ever met, the love I felt for her was (is) one of the strongest loves I have ever experienced.

Went to FrischeParadies, which is a great supermarket for fancy food stuff, there are a few in Berlin. You find it in different cities around Germany + one in Mallorca.

Got this canned tuna from Portugal, it was amazing.

Passing by some old Berlin, those facades are becoming fewer and fewer. I’m thinking about making a book about old Berlin (old doesn’t mean very old, but hunting down places that still haven’t been completely destroyed by gentrification before it’s too late), what do you think?

Some soup at Ramen x Ramen in my hood.

January looks good in pictures, it was pretty good. I guess I was feeling pretty numb most of 2018, though. Lost in myself, lost in Berlin, lost in my marriage, lost in most other relationships. Those were things I didn’t say online, someone asked me if I wasn’t lying to my followers, I didn’t see it as lying when posting nice pictures from my everyday life – it was to protect myself & remind myself of the good times. Back in the days, I got too many shit comments as soon as I opened up myself. This was when my blog was huge, I had no idea how big it was until after it was over, sometimes I didn’t dare to go out because people were staring and emailing me afterwards that they had seen me here and there. I feel safer now, I feel safe with you who visit (thank you).

12 Comments

  • Elizabeth Alley
    February 5, 2020 at 3:51 pm

    I have lived near a river my whole life, except for a few years when I lived near the Gulf of Mexico. I can’t imagine not living near water!

    Reply
    • Sandra Juto
      February 6, 2020 at 10:44 am

      I agree, when you’re used to it, it would be really strange not to <3

      Reply
  • Claudia Kronlechner
    February 5, 2020 at 4:55 pm

    Hi Sandra,
    I also live near a river – the Lavant, in a city that’s tiny compared to Berlin – Wolfsberg, but without the river it would be nothing. It gives me a feeling of being connected and not stagnating because the water is always coming from and going somewhere, like it’s alive.
    A book about ‚old‘ Berlin? Yes please!
    Liebe Grüße
    Claudia

    Reply
    • Sandra Juto
      February 6, 2020 at 10:45 am

      Glad you like the idea, Claudia!
      And yes, you’re so right about the water moving, so important. I think this is why I would like to live by a traintrack one day. Swoosh swoosh.

      Reply
  • Bethany
    February 5, 2020 at 5:55 pm

    Sandra – YES you should definitely make a book about old Berlin! I love your eye for those types of images.

    Reply
    • Sandra Juto
      February 6, 2020 at 10:45 am

      Yay thanks, Bethany!
      Will think more about it <3

      Reply
  • Jonna
    February 5, 2020 at 5:59 pm

    A book about old Berlin, HELL YES!

    Reply
    • Sandra Juto
      February 6, 2020 at 10:46 am

      HELL YES! <3

      Reply
      • Awfulknitter
        February 7, 2020 at 2:58 pm

        I am trying to preorder your Berlin book already…make it happen, it would be gorgeous!

        Reply
        • Sandra Juto
          February 8, 2020 at 3:18 pm

          Thanks so much! Happy you like the idea x

          Reply
  • Silvia de Vries
    February 8, 2020 at 3:58 pm

    Oh that sounds like an amazing book idea. Can I preorder it 😄
    Sorry to hear about your 2018 and those feelings.
    Most be really weird and hard to go out if you’re watched like that.
    💔❤️

    Reply
    • Sandra Juto
      February 11, 2020 at 11:25 am

      Luckily the feeling of being watched was a long time ago, phew!
      So glad you like the book idea! 🙂

      Reply

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