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Quiet Saturday at home

It’s dark and gloomy outside today, my head feels a bit the same. Wow, this starts very inspiring. BUT I’m hopeful, usually when feeling like this, I know that something good will come out of it. Just accept and wait, instead of trying to fight it. I haven’t been very productive lately, decided to put away all the yarn for a while, to do something else – like focus on this space, go back to illustration, make a new logo for the Wrist Worms (don’t like the one I made last year), do some more staged photoshoots instead of quick snapshots, write more.

The kitchen window is like a tiny rainforest now that the trees outside are green. The kitchen is very dark, but the other rooms are very bright, so it’s OK. A bit of a safe cave to turn to for some comfort.

My biggest fear right now (drama queen at the moment); bought new paints and brushes to start fresh. The old ones are dried out since not painting for about 8 years. Trying to convince myself that it’s OK to practise, fail etc and not expect something I will be satisfied with after the first try. Need to start seeing my job as a job again and treat it like a job-job. Got a bit lost in all this – a very privileged problem, I know. I guess feeling like this about life, most people decide to have kids. As most of you know, I don’t want any.

Here is someone who’s super busy with different clients. What is he doing here? Trying to force his aloe vera to grow in a different direction. Maybe he can do this to me? No, it’s up to me, only I can do something about it. What do you do when you feel uninspired?

An army of sailors.

See you soon <3

8 Comments

  • Cynthia
    May 23, 2020 at 4:09 pm

    Lovely, moody tiny rainforest window. Good day for painting & aloe influencing.

    Reply
    • Sandra
      May 24, 2020 at 8:31 am

      Right? 🙂
      Hope you’re having a nice weekend, xx

      Reply
  • Pamela
    May 23, 2020 at 6:33 pm

    As an older woman who JUST started painting I understand your worries. I just start wherever I am and I keep telling myself it’s all practice! And I was surprised to find that being patient and going slow really made a difference. And I’m with you on not having kids!

    Reply
    • Sandra
      May 24, 2020 at 8:32 am

      Pamela, I’m always glad to hear about people who choose not to have kids, there’s so much fuzz when it comes to women not wanting kids. No problem if a man says it, grr.
      Just need to follow my flow and not expect a masterpiece haha.

      Reply
      • Pamela
        May 24, 2020 at 8:36 pm

        Yes! And not having kids seems to such a problem—for other people! I’m very happy with my decision and that goes a long way toward being meh with other people’s opinions. ❤️

        Reply
        • Sandra
          May 25, 2020 at 9:05 am

          Yeah, I don’t care too much. When people say “But you would be such a great mother” I’m just like “How can you be good at something you don’t want to be?”.
          It doesn’t seem to stop at not having kids, my in-laws are constantly asked “Why don’t you have any grandchildren?”, crazy.

          Reply
  • Sarah
    May 25, 2020 at 10:14 pm

    I don’t want kids either and sometimes I feel guilty for having other “problems” around creativity, what work I’m producing, what direction I want my life to go in…I have to remember that it’s ok not to follow the usual path and it takes all kinds of people to make the world an interesting place. I’m lucky that I have lots of other things to fill my life up with, it doesn’t have to end with children. But still, the guilt of having such privileged (non) “problems” is hard to shake at times.

    Reply
    • Sandra
      May 26, 2020 at 7:39 am

      I see what you mean, Sarah. I think it’s dangerous to compare “problems” with other people as we don’t know what their problems really are based on. The problem pieces I present here, for example, are just the tip of the iceberg of traumas from earlier in life, things that probably gave birth to bipolar disease etc. So don’t feel guilty, it’s not going to do anything good for your creativity (trying to encourage you here, not put more pressure). It’s so easy for others to judge as well, people with kids sometimes tell me that I’m not environmental friendly enough and I secretly think; well you put more people to this planet (see, I’m probably judgmental, too). Good news: Studies say that couples without children are happier together, but I also understand that as a parent, you feel a kind of love that we will probably not feel, we’re simply programmed to love and take care of our kids for them to survive.

      Reply

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